U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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