my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
