it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
