remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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