Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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