dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
