I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
