Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
