I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
