so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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