Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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