My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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