look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
