i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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