So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
