The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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