Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
