yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
