i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
