Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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