That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Dignity is for republicans.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
