I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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