We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I am naked and annoyed.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
