Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
