My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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