sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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