All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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