The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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