U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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