It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
