Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
