We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
