ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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