I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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