I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
