He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
