it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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