no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
