My room smells like vodka and shame
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
