I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
