did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
