i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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