Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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