Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
