also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
