Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I would fuck him just for his dog
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
