The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
