my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
