benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
