my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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