Please, let me fuck your mom
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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