sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
