Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
we made out on top of his cat.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
